Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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