He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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