I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
