I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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