I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
