party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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