just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need a beard to bite.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
