omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my poor anus
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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