Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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