I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
