Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
