I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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