Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
