I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
