did you get engaged???
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize