I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
