so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
