i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
