he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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