i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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