I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
