i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
