Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize