Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
this is an emotional support booty call
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
