Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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