Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
