like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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