NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
