there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
