Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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