That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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