Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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