Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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