did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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