i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
