im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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