I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
