worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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