Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
