I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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