That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
