I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
well, you know. whores of a feather.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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