at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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