Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
