is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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