Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
