oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I FOUND THE LEGS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
