Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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