There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize