i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
