i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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