If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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