I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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