The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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