Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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