I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
