Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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