can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
