that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
