look no pants
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
