Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize