Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
