I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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