My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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