My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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