he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
