Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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