apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
