Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
