goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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