Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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