I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
