I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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