Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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