She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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