There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
