**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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