I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
