In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
