Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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