dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
