I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
