And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
