I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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