Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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