SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
