plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize